Pain, guilt and hope

So, I kept silence for a while, partly because I don’t know how to explain myself plainly. I’ve never felt like I would properly share my thoughts, and from a technical point of view, well, I lost most of my language skills.  About what happened to me lately – that I am grieving and cannot stop the pain-, the tiny voice in me told me I should not tell, should not complain, because people have their own lives and fears, and because I don’t need them to care especially, because it –the loss of our beloved ones- had to happen and I knew it.  It doesn’t help; you never tell enough, you never show enough how much the ones you love are important to you. As if you ever learn, how much life is cruel, and short.

When I was a child and teen, I fought to belong to a group of friends. Strangely enough, I mostly remember the feeling of pleading for attention and forgiveness, until I realized that if I am wrong, the others are not necessary right. That’s the way I live as an adult, feeling wrong amongst other wrong people.  It’s very hard to do the right things, to say the right words, and to live your life plainly, reaching the good goals, all that being appreciated and, above all, taking real care of the ones who need you. And we keep trying, because if we don’t, then there is no hope and no future.

All to say, tell them you love them.

Well, enough maybe. I discovered only a few years ago that it was easier to draw than to speak for me, when it comes to share my emotions (well, I won’t say I have the soul of a true artist, considering that I draw only Severus Snape. However, may it be Severus Snape). Recently I looked through my gallery and was horrified by all the technical mistakes all over there. And I was also very touched by the comments and kind words. I cannot say thank you enough. 

In the hope I don't sound too pathetic. The reason why I should have kept silence.


...
In the hope there are still some people around...
Adding for the Snape fans : you are invited to take part in the new challenge on Spinners--End
Challenge #12 - Severus's AddictionsIt's been over a year since we last issued a challenge... It's high time we launched another one. We wondered... do you all remain as addicted to Snape as you used to be, and/or would you gladly come back to this addiction again?
Speaking of addiction, Snape himself appears to be affected with quite an, ahem ... obsessive personality. Here is our call to you: show us his obsessions and addictions. Helpful or unhealthy, which addiction of his is the most remarkable, surprising, rational or unwanted? His passion for orderliness, dark magic, coffee, potions, the Potters, control, perfection, justice (revenge), rules, work, flowers, spiders, or shampoos? Does he try to get rid of this addiction or is it necessary for him to survive?
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